Don't take this blog the wrong way. Mommy always needs time for venting and deserves to get it out every now and then and any way she knows how. So I hope not to offend anyone or get anyone upset, but this is the true me and it all comes straight from the heart. What is a blog for anyway?!? It's a place where family & friends can keep up with you & your family from far away, and to know what's going on, on the here & now's. Well here it goes:
I'm a stay-at-home mom but most of you know that already. Just have to say, it's really tough. I knew it would be and I keep thinking lately, should I go back to work? When do I go back to work? I'm just wondering because lately it's been rather difficult dealing with a little one that is really clingy, going through that stage in his life and then our princess seems to be going through some issues of her own but not sure. When do I get a break? I know I only have two, and others have it a lot worse and have more than I do but like I said before this is my life I'm blogging about it right now and if you are interested in us then you'll continue reading about what's going on in our lives at this very moment in time.
Is it a delayed reaction to leaving the states that she's dealing with. I've had the recent comments & questions lately about Florida and going back. Apparently someone is lonesome and missing her friends. I am too but I have to suck it up and deal. I can only imagine it's probably harder for a 4 year old. Maybe it's the dealing of a baby brother that is now getting into her things and she really doesn't know how to handle it. Acting out is her solution lately. I'm not sure at this point but I am emotionally drained and dealing with my own internal issues of guilt and other things as a mother I don't feel I've done right. I'm good & really couldn't be any better even though I'm venting and I may sound like I'm not happy but I'm not happy because of the things that are going on with my children right now & I just feel like I don't know how to fix it or I worry about too much and then of course; that backfires on me always. I do know lately, I've felt like the maid, entertainer, warden, and just about anything that you could think of. It's just been a little crazier than usual. Is it the weather and this is what the snow does to you or is it that we have been punished to the house because of a little girl's attitude? Whatever the case may be, it's getting old.
I've recently found myself wondering how can I live a life of purpose when it seems like I've taken on more of a role as the housekeeper & playmate. I just want to know because if I remember correctly most mothers (family & friends) that I know just leave the dishes, laundry, and house work alone because they say it will always be there but these precious moments won't be. I guess I just don't feel precious moments around me because I feel like it's been so much of a fight for the last week or so and my fuse is about to go out completely. When I finally realized the answer to my questions, it was so clear to me. I do have a purpose and that purpose is to teach my children about Jesus through my actions & reactions to them and their behaviors that aren't quite right. Teaching them is the key and opening up my heart the most when it's the least time to do so. I have to look at them as the Lord looks at them. All of this makes my heart smile and makes me realize that this is the hardest job I will ever have or know. I don't think worrying about getting out of the house to get a "real" job is my biggest problem. My getting a "Real" job is done, the real problem lies on me dealing with the situation at hand a lot better & I have to give a big thanks to Jesus for that wonderful blessing of the role as mother. The job I was always intended to have or that He always had for me but only when he was ready to give it to me.
Now that I've vented and got all of my feelings out on my blog, I know now or really knew what I've always been meant for in this purpose of life, and that was to be a mother to these two beautiful & gorgeous children that the Good Lord above always intended to grant & bless me with. I am humbled by his generosity, and very thankful to be given this very hard job. AMEN!!!!!!!
Our little blessings we thank God for everyday, and the story of our journey, all of the travels and adventures through our eyes. Enjoy our stories because we certainly are.
I don't believe that anyone would think that you were "whiny" in that post. You are just stating all of those things all of us moms have to realize one day. We were meant to raise our babies, and to be there for them, in whichever way they need us at that particular time. And, of course, it won't always be those "precious moments" they need us for. Its going to be tough sometimes, and I personally think that you are a fabulous mother, and are doing all of the right things. Your family has had some huge adjustments to make, and are going to keep making. You are doing a GREAT job, and I can tell just by reading your posts, that your kids are ultimately going to be great because of the way you handle things. That said, you do need some "me time" every now and then, so make sure that you make that a priority, or you WILL get burnt out!
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